Practicing Solitude

These past two weekends, Samantha and the kids have been gone to visit family and friends, so they have left me home alone. Knowing I would miss my family these last two weekends, I was still looking forward to some alone time. I was actually looking forward to practicing solitude. As an extrovert, these are troubling words to write, but in my world now with two young kids my time is not my own. There are very few moments anymore when I can choose to spend my time however I wish. So I went into last weekend with purpose to do what I wanted to do.

The first thing I noticed was how efficient my weekend was. I wasn’t waiting on anyone, and no one was waiting on me. Food prep and was minimal as I was only cooking for one, and since there was no food spilled on the floor to wipe up, the clean up duty was a snap! If I wanted to go somewhere, I just hopped in the car to go, no wrestling children in car seats and gathering snacks for the journey, etc. I was also able to accomplish some projects around the house as well. I was streamlined, and I was firing on all cylinders. However, by Friday night, I became restless.

While I was able to get a lot done, I was still restless. I wanted the weekend to be a practice of solitude, but in actual fact I was practicing accomplishing tasks and celebrating the to do lists that I was able to get through. I wound up tired from the day’s activities, and I lacked the rejuvenation I was expecting from such accomplishments. The fact is, I wanted to share my accomplishments with my family, but they were not around. Instead of taking advantage of these desires to connect with others through prayer, I turned on the television to numb the longing and tune out my heart’s cry.

Saturday was much of the same thing as Friday. It took me till Sunday for me to start paying attention to God’s knock at the door of my heart. While alone, I was not practicing solitude because I was filling my time with tasks and busy things to do. I was not taking advantage of the solitude I was afforded. The truth is it is hard to face your soul when you are alone. But it is in that confrontation that the Lord met me.

The fear I had in coming to God during my weekend at home alone, was transformed into an expression of joy with God. I will spare you all the details, but one thing in particular was, as always, unexpected. I was captured again with the communion of God…the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In finally being able to willingly put aside the to-dos and the distractions, I was able to enjoy the presence of God in my life. Again, He revealed the ways he has been at work in my life. I left last weekend with a deep appreciation that I am indeed not alone in this world and that the things that happen in my life are not random but purposeful, kingdom events in which I am called to participate with God.

I share this with you because solitude is counter-intuitive. Not many of us have the stomach for it. Practicing solitude seems to be self-destructive when everything in our hearts is crying out for community! Yet, it is the very thing that helps us to understand that we are indeed not alone in this world and that all of our life is meaningful.

Pray with me, that we would be a community that takes such bold risks in our faith as to intentionally make room in our lives for solitude so that we can hear God’s voice above the rest of the voices in our lives.